If Shakespeare Were Alive Today He'd Be Rolling in His Grave.

OK, there are things I need to get off my chest, whimsically of course. I love the English language. Man has never crafted for himself, save perhaps fire, a tool better-suited for a set of complex tasks. English has power, nuance and beauty other languages envy. There's myriad ways of saying the same thing while managing the intensity, humour and sensitivity to the listener or even listeners. It is not an accident that English is the language of both business and diplomacy. It has a logical/mathematical component that, if more of us understood, the language would be well-served. Things have to add up.
Why then, is it given such short consideration by those who speak it as a first language? I have always thought it's because most of us were not taught to love and respect our mother tongue. As a teacher I have fought that trend everywhere I have taught and continue to do so. As Lou Reed said nearly forty years ago, "Just watch me now."
If you have used an adverb in the last decade, odds are you misused that adverb nearly every time. Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynn Truss does a wonderful job of poking fun at common faults among us English speakers, but her approach to this particular part of speech is heroic: "Find an adverb and kill it."
Here's a self-diagnostic. Hopefully, the ferry will arrive on time. If you are among the great unwashed who thinks that sentence means, as written, I am hopeful the ferry arrives on time... sorry, it does not. But, I am hopeful the ferry arrives on time does mean that, however. So, feel free to use it. The first one means that when the ferry arrives it will do so while it is hopeful. If it ends in "ly" reconsider using it. Small potatoes? Yup. But doesn't mother English deserve better.
If one-sentence paragraphs are OK (except for effect), why do we need paragraphs?
Whenever I read something and see an exclamation mark, I yell that sentence at the top of my lungs. To exclaim means to cry out or say loudly or vehemently. They don't mean I love you.
Folks who in error replace figuratively with literally can never use figuratively. Think about it. How could they?
For you and I was probably taught to most of us as the correct expression of that prepositional phrase. This is just for you and I, for example. Take you and out. What happens.? This is just for I? Object of the preposition (for) demands objective case. We don't teach case anymore. Therefore... we get "for you and I."
At the end of the day should only mean that. It's an odd combination of cliche and "I watch too much reality TV" used any other way. My God, Coach on Survivor uses it at the same time he is referring to himself in the third person. OK,OK, I watch Survivor but JUST to find transgressions like this. You owe me.
I used to work for a guy who said for all intensive purposes. What in the world are intensive purposes?
When I hear I'm just saying, I think the person who said it is really saying, "Ah jeez, I wish I didn't say that" or "Don't hit me."
They got punched in their face, or words to that effect where there is a singular noun modified by a plural adjective. Unless all of those people share a face (there's a hideous image), it should be faces. Love your language.
A few words that don't exist*: Preventative (preventive), prioritize (priorize), funnest (most fun).
A few that do exist but are always misused: pre-plan or pre-order. You plan. You order. I made a convert at a gas station in Edmonton one day after a discussion on pre-paying.  Words starting with a prefix and then a hyphen are adjectives not verbs. "I had a pre-order cup of bile and then I called Amazon."
Don't get me started on I'm like...
Thanks for letting me vent. There'll be a test tomorrow.

I hope I am on time, I hope I am on time...

* It is sad but true that you'll find some of these words in dictionaries. The language is plastic and should be. But is chronic misuse a reason to expand the most beautiful of tools for personal expression? What if mathematics and science were treated that way? "After 200 years of students thinking 7 times 6 is 49, we have decided to list it as an acceptable answer." "From here on in, matter can be both created and destroyed."