Ham Tastes and Works Better at Night

As you know, Lili and I are members in good standing of Cortes Island's Emergency Social Services Team. Who's more social that we? In that capacity I went to an informational meeting last Saturday on Quadra Island on Ham radio operation and licencing. Frank, our host, shared his knowledge and passion for the art and craft of amateur radio. We were attentive and enthusiastic; right up to the moment we weren't.
The day was not without its moments of Zen.
The boat ride that beautiful morning, my first "walk-on" trip, was unlike any other crossing. Besides the differnce in view/perspective from the boat's third deck, I was in the untethered proximity of humans other than Lili. The other walk-ons sat vacant-looking or paced arms folded, reading or rereading evacuation flyers or pamphlets from bicycle tour companies. Some punctuated their mindless meanderings with sleep. Some used the head... that's the bathroom to you landlubbers.
Frank was kind enough to pick me up at the landing. He, his wife Shirley and pups Katie and Dexter offered me shelter, the exam manual, instant coffee and a hand-held radio with which I made my acquaintance until the meeting started. The fact that Ham radios now look like walkie/talkies surprised me as much as the fact they still make instant coffee.
Frank's vehicle looks as if he bought it at a war surplus sale sponsored by the Lybian rebels. It sports a roof-top assembly resembling a home-made rocket launcher. Its purpose is to elevate his Ham antenna in the low-lying areas of the island, though it looks as if it should be more fun than that.
The test one needs pass to use a Ham radio - one is not supposed to even possess one if you have not - is what you'd expect, if you expect a graduate level exam in electronics. Resistance, ohms, amperes, Rf, VHF, UHF, BAH, HUM, BUG, Hertz, megaHertz, fredMertz... the whole schmeer. Radio operators' rights and myriad responsibilities are also among those things a Ham must know. Try to avoid jail time is their mantra.
Things that piqued my curiosity:

• Marconi's first transatlantic transmission was hacked. The signal that arrived first to the Cape Cod, Massachusetts reception site was not what they expected and not what Marconi sent. If Marconi gets hacked, what chance do the rest of us have?
• The guy who proctors the Ham exam (?) is named Juan. So, radio jamon anyone?
•  Franks hand-held antenna, not to be confused with his truck-installed weapon of mass destruction appears more a combination of a trident made by a blind guy with a sense of humor and a laundry drying rack.
•  Ham radios and pacemakers are contraindicated. It would be a riot to watch it, though.
•  The reason there is so much electronics knowledge in the exam is to keep the riff raff out. As one of the people in the room said, "You don't want a ham in the hands of every Tom, Dick, and Harry." Even at Easter? Besides, some of my best friends are riff raff.
• Ham transmission travel best at night. Insert your own line about nocturnal transmissions here.
• The number one topic discussed in Ham discourse is the weather. Number two generally starts this way, "Have we talked about the weather yet?" They also like to share how they built their own radios or antennae as many, many of them have. Or, missile launchers in Frank's case.
• There's a reason there are cleared areas and high fences around large Ham antennae? They can cook your ass which gives Ham a whole new meaning.
• After you pass the test, one's knowledge of Morse Code can elevate your level of certification.  Once again to quote Lou Reed, just watch me now:      .   .   .   _   _   _   .   .   .    Fork over the sash, Juan.

If and when I pass the test and some fool has put a radio in my hand, the very first thing I will say will come from one of the following two  questions. "Is it rolling , Bob?" or "What's the frequency Kenneth?" We'll find out real fast if Hams are Hip.

I have always been puzzled by the word Ham in Ham radio.* I now know what it means. When Frank was giving us a primer on the difference between AC (alternating current) and the dreaded DC (direct current), he stuck his finger into an open DC circuit, doing two things. One, he closed the circuit so current flowed and two, he absorbed a fair amount of electrons. My sense of smell gave me the answer I have always sought. Smoldering human flesh smells like ham.

*Ham is derived etymologically from an insulting term meaning "incompetent." Think "a ham actor." It was levied at amateur radio operators by that notoriously uppity bunch, telegraphers. The pejorative term was eventually co-opted and embraced by the Hams themselves. Why it's capitalized, I cannot say.